Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize