The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
