he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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