my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this just has baby written all over it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
