Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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