just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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