I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
