My sheets look like a crime scene.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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