It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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