I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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