You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Semen is not good for contacts.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
