I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
