He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
