ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
