I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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