You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
