she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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