I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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