I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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