Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
