it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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