i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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