Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
