I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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