I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
