I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
