it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
