you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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