he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
