Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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