I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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