Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
should my penis look like a turkey
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
