you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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