i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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