I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
