TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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