Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
