Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I faked an abortion last night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
