Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this just has baby written all over it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
