Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What a dumb baby whore.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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