Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
