How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
