There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize