I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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