this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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