A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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