we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
