can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
my liver is dry heaving
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
