Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
