The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i came on her dog
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
