I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my shit smells like andre
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
