I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize