Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
