Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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