he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
