dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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