i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
