We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your cock deserves a montage
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
