Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
