Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish my penis had a tongue
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
