I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
