I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
