then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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