I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
