Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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