If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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