Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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