I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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