I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
