I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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