If that was your dad, he is hot
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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