FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
