Cold hands, warm shart.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
