dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
