Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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